bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
