halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
