The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
