i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
