Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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