its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
