Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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