Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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