I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
