Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
