the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
