I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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