he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
