My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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