After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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