...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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