Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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