i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
