Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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