Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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