so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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