The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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