Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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