mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
