I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
