I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
