Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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