i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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