Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
