Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
