And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
