The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
