She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
