Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm having to shit out rocks
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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