i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
