I hate all girls vehemently.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
