Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
