he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
