So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
