I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
