well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
