paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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