After last night, I could never be a politician.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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