sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
