I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
