DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
