i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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