a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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