so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
