jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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