where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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