I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize