She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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