I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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