just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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