Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
