It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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