Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
