cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
