She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
