do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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