addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
