found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
