she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize