remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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