please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
