He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i love accidental penises.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
