Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
