I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
