Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
