stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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