rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
