Little spoons don't ask big questions
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
