I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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