Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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